So here's my first blog. Officially. Can't say I've ever done this and don't really know why I am, I suppose everyone has told me I could write a book about my life so here goes..
Wish I had done this right from the beginning, the beginning of this shitty year I have had to put up with...
I didn't feel sad when I looked him in the eyes and told him it was over. I dont know why, is this what I was supposed to feel? I felt anger more then anything, just because he didn't care it was over. It had practically been over for months as we both knew, any hopes of me trying to cling on to the little scraps of 'relationship' we had left was impossible. I could not believe this is what it had turned into, or should i say what we had both turned into. And the worst was yet to come.
'i have never ever been so happy' were my first thoughts when we became 'official.' although at that point our version of being official was 4am early hours of Sunday morning, 'just-shagged' hair and me stumbling through the back door trying not to wake up my parents as I read all the sweet messages from him on my phone. But I guess that's how we rolled, carefree. Really though, it seems cheesy but it was all the happiness I could have wish for.
I love the first steps of a relationship when it's all new and every little thing you do, you over think it just so it's perfect.
so just short of our 1 year anniversary we decided to move in together, I couldn't have wished for anything more. Both so in love, secretly I loved the way my friends envied us, how we were so perfect, I loved every single little thing he would do to make me happy. I loved him.
Sometimes though, things have to come crashing down when it's all going perfect...
We had our problems mostly after this and eventually decided to move home, but it seems like this was when the real problems began.
He was the 1 person I allowed to walk all over me, and why?? I don't know what happened in the end, but I couldn't take much more. Much more of being ignored, Much more of crying myself to sleep, we barely spoke at times and still I could not imagine my life without him.
The big eye opener for me was one saturday night, I had been at my friends having a few drinks, he wasn't busy so I asked him If I could stay at his. He came to pick me up and didn't speak to me until we got to his. Then we went to bed, after stating the obvious, we went to sleep.
I woke up in the morning feeling like shit, no response for him so I went to the bathroom, when I walked back in he was awake. 'shall we do something fun today?' I asked. 'not really, I'm busy,' he replied. 'look I didn't just come here for that,' gesturing to the night before, I could feel myself getting more annoyed. 'oh really? That's what it seemed.' what kind of reply is that? I was furious. So I got my stuff and left.
So there we were, one freezing night shortly after Christmas, sat in the car, me telling him it was over. It didn't seem to bother him, I can't believe how he had changed, I felt sick. And off he went, I heard nothing from him afterwards, until the following weekend...
